Cut My Wrists, Black My Eyes, And Help Me Be Alright
by MistressxOfxMisery
Summary: ZeroXOC In the darkness is where I died, In the darkness is where I feel I have remained... Can he save me from the despair, or will I deteriorate until there is nothing left. I can't breathe anymore without burning. I cannot sleep without screaming. Read and Review please and thank youuuu
1. Bloody Beginning

Whispers in my mind beg me to stop as blood streams from my skin, the small blade in my hand tearing each cell with acute precision. Tears streaming down my face as I sit in this empty room I cannot live with myself anymore. They are dead and will never come back; I will never hear their voices again or have their arms around me. I have no doubt in my mind that I want to die, and there is no question that I will do what I have to in order to succeed. Her red eyes swim before my vision the woman who took my innocence and ended my true life.

**Flashback**

"_Mommy?" I whisper as I walk into the kitchen thinking that she was only awake to feed my brother again, a brother who looks nothing like me. His eyes and hair so fair that he looked like a fine rice paper that could be torn to pieces with so much as a touch, the most disturbing parts of him were his teeth, razor sharp and pointed at the ends. Sitting in a kitchen chair she was holding my brother in a blanket that seemed to be….soaked? I crept closer my breathing becoming shallow and heavy as the metallic smell hit me like a freight train and I began to panic. "MOMMY! ARE YOU OKAY?" My soprano voice ringing out into the void of our kitchen, as I continued to think that perhaps my brother had harmed her in some way. No response came from the figure in the chair, or the baby in her lap. My father never came running down the stairs to see what was wrong, as my mother's head slowly turned up towards me her eyes were crimson. "Come Avila. Everything will be okay" I began to walk towards her as cold sweat began to dampen my back and forehead. Her face was coated in a dark liquid and her hair seemed to be matted to the familiar face as she stood from her place on the kitchen chair letting my limp baby brother fall to the floor. "A human, Avila is what you are. Why do you mock me?" I heard anger in her voice that was unfamiliar and frightening. My father came barreling down the stairs to stand in front of me "Cecily dear, that isn't her fault…."….._

**Back to Reality**

White sheets, white walls, and white clothes are not what I like to see when I wake up. Slowly attempting to sit up I find that my hands are fastened to the safety railing on the side of my bed. Smart nurses, they used knots that I can't untie with my fingers. "HELLOO! CAN SOMEONE COME GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE? I'M RATHER UNCOMFORTABLE" I yell hoping that someone will hear me as the wounds on my wrists start to burn causing my throat to tighten because of the blood loss. _Damnit…_ The thirst is so strong that I may lose my mind, the pain is like fire that you can't relieve with a glass of milk or water. The door quickly opened and an unwelcome shock rang through my body as an unlikely group entered my hospital room. The group consisted of two hunters, a pureblood, a half-blood, a human, and a doctor. "I thought I said someone not a ton of people…" I groaned upset that a group of people seems to be observing me as if I were unnatural. "Well unfortunately these are the people who you will be living with now, seeing that you are a minor. Miss Avila Rose, I understand that your family was killed… We have been searching for you for months. Where did you go?" The doctor continued to ask questions that I wouldn't answer while the half-blood boy glared at me steadily. "Could you please untie me? I'm rather sore you know." I asked as another bout of pain ran through my body. "Sure" The pureblood stepped toward me and I hissed at him when his hands touched mine. As soon as my first hand was free I snatch my hand away and untie the other removing myself from the bed and going straight for the window. Hastily throwing my body through the glass not bothering to open the window and landing on my feet two stories below I began running as I felt the thirst begin to take over. I can't hurt anyone; I won't not today and not ever. I will die first. Gripping my throat as a round of coughing begins and blood sprays from my mouth onto my hands. I can't move as the coughing racks my shoulders and a pair of hands grip my shoulders so hard that it hurts. All I see is silver hair and lilac eyes as the world fades into silent blackness.


	2. Beautiful Girl

Author note: Read and review pleaseeeee!

PS. I do not own vk I only own Cecily and Avila

"_Cecily, dear that isn't her fault…. You know that especially since we lost the first two children." My father attempted to shield me but was only met the wrath of swirling flames that enveloped his body before my eyes. His screams of pain went unnoticed by my seemingly psychotic mother who had killed my baby brother and my father. Her body lurched toward me long bony arms that had gone from a light peach coloring to paper white surrounding my shoulders and pulling me close. "I love you Avila, you are my only child" she whispered into my ear as her grip grew tighter and her body began shaking as if she were sobbing or laughing, I couldn't tell which. The grip became constricting and her face rested against my neck as my collar bones began to pop and buckle under pressure. "Mommy?" I whispered as tears rolled down my face mixing with the ashes from my father's body. I felt my mother's gasping breath against my neck as she whispered "I hate everything that you are, and everything that you will become." Her voice had shifted as if she were someone else tones of ice and hatred underneath the menace and insanity. Her mouth opened wider and clamped down on my skin the pain incomprehensible as my body began to convulse under the pressure of her arms, the sound of her swallowing my blood made me nauseous as my vision began to swim before my eyes. My mother dropped my body and walked to the other end of the kitchen removing a knife from the kitchen drawer. "Why?" I choked on the last word I would breathe as a human before seeing a spray of my mother's blood on the floor hearing the shot of a gun and letting the world fade to black._

Zero POV

I feel as if there is a weight on my chest as Kaien explains Avila's story to me while we wait outside of the infirmary for her to wake up. I don't know whether to be disgusted or sad, she is another thing like me a monster. Suddenly there is a shout from inside the room, her voice fragile and weak sounding almost choked. Kaname and Yuuki stood from the chairs they had drawn from nearby and strode over to where we were standing. "Should we wait for a doctor to go into the room or should we just go in?" asked Yuuki and Kaname in unison she blushed and looked away. Anger flared in my gut as he patted her head tenderly openly showing his 'affection' for her, which isn't possible for a monster that lusts for blood, the essence of life. I decided to stalk away from the group to fetch a doctor to be sure that Avila wouldn't attack Yuuki. The doctor assured me that my worries were unfounded that she was secured to the bed. The female doctor strode over to the door letting everyone in to the room. This only earned us a sarcastic comment from Avila as she hissed at Kuran for touching her. Everything seemed to occur in slow motion as she leapt from the bed to the window, her tiny body breaking the glass as she landed with cat-like grace on the ground two stories below. I followed her as her fiery waist length hair swayed with the movement of her body until she collapsed having muscle spasms and coughing up blood on to the pavement. Tears streaming from her eyes I held her shoulders before she collapsed, and while looking at the most disgusting type of monster I saw the most beautiful girl in the world.

~~Sorry if this one is short guys it is like two in the morning. Tell me it should write more.


	3. The Decision

Another chapter today guys. Please read and review. Any suggestions are welcome! ^.^

I do not own vk

OH and thank you all who reviewed my story, it gives me so much happiness.

~Misery

The unwelcome darkness begins to fade as sounds around me seem to increase in volume, my eyes struggling against the white light that sits directly above my bed. Voices around me make noises that seem to be questioning though the words still seem muffled as if I am under water. "You should know that I cannot understand a single thing you are saying…" I whispered the dryness in my throat making me sound like a frog on helium. As if I had screamed at them everyone's eyes turned on me giving me looks of sympathy and confusion. Most of the confusion was coming from the human, her auburn eyes showing that she hadn't been expecting me to wake up. "Yuuki, you should leave now… This may be a dangerous situation" murmured the pureblood ushering the small girl out of the door. I was happy, if only for a moment that she would be gone and I would not be able to harm her. But no more than a second later that happiness turned into darkness as the silver haired hunter came toward me with restraints. "Kiryuu wait a moment, this is her decision, not yours." stated the blonde haired hunter who stood to my left looking as if it pained him to see me this way. A man showing sympathy for a monster, it is almost sickening and yet it comforts me to see that someone cares. My hands slowly drifted to my neck where the scars were beginning to turn from a light pink to silvery white. The pureblood glides back through the door seemingly agitated at me, probably because of the prior incident. "Kaname you should tell her after all you are her higher up…" at that statement my body shuddered, I would never follow a pure blood even if it meant life or death. "Avila… You have two choices. I could send you to the hunters association to be tattooed and possibly extend your life, or you could vow loyalty to me and live under my care. If neither of these choices appeal to you we could end your life right here, as you will probably die soon anyway." His voice was sickeningly smooth in my ears accompanied by a tone of distaste and disgust. Tears begin to run down my face and I choke on my breath the sobs are uncontrollable. Pain seems to thrive in my veins as if I have been poisoned my body rejecting everything that I have become wiping the blood off of the corner of my mouth I try to calm myself so that I can speak. "I died in the darkness, Kaname.. I would be better off if someone were to end my life as a corpse." I gasped hoping that the end would come fast for me. Arms were suddenly circling my body as a small frame pressed against my rib cage a small voice whimpering from where it laid against my breasts. "You aren't dead, I can hear your heart beat. You can't do this to yourself Avila! I know that I don't know you… But life is precious." Yuuki sobbed clinging to me her scent filling my nose made me choke her blood pulsing through her veins that rest against my skin make my throat tighten.

"Yuuki.." Kaname whispered the fear evident on his face and dark auburn eyes that mirrored hers. "That is enough Yuuki" Stated Kiryuu not attempting to come any closer. I did as my mother used to and kissed the top of Yuuki's soft chocolate locks before standing to escape to the small bathroom so that I could breathe. Thirst choked me before I could even think of my options, my breath only coming in short gasps I turn on the sink and begin to take hefty gulps of water that I know won't quench me. The water only makes my thirst worse making my body become weak and unstable. Crawling over to the shower I turn on the ice cold water and step inside still clothed in the gown that the hospital provided me. Letting the water run down my back and face calms my breathing and I can think, think about the decision I should make. I also think of Yuuki and her pleas for me to think that my life has worth. I begin to shake knowing what my decision is as I step out of the ice cold water my fiery hair clings to my arms and back while I lay on the tile swathed in a towel. I bite into my wrist the adrenaline a much welcome guest as I find the strength to stand from the floor and go back to the group that is still awaiting my answer.

Today, I will be marked as a hunter and hope to prolong my life.

~sorry another short chapter but…. I may post again today.. or maybe tomorrow since I still haven't slept well anyway. Enjoy!


	4. Moonlight Sonata

~Thanks to all of my readers for giving reviews and well… just reading what I write. :3 I will return the favor and read anything that you would like me to.

Disclaimer: I do not own vk. I own only Avila and Cecily

Zero's POV

Avila's restraint amazes me as she pushes Yuuki away and proceeds to stride over to the hospital bathroom where she locks herself in. I know that feeling, only wanting to escape and quell the monster if only for a moment. Having the poison in your veins burn you from the inside out and make you feel weak. In the presence of others I have to be careful for fear that I may break, for fear that I may lose control of the monster that rages inside my body thirsting for blood. Spacing out I didn't even realize that Yuuki was talking to me and desperately trying to get my attention, she doesn't know how much she gets under my skin with her fragile face and sweet scent. She is the very being that makes me hate myself. "Zero! Help me out here, they want to go break the door down.. I think that we should give her a little time…" She pleaded for me to give an answer and I could only nod in response not wanting to breathe her scent in. She still doesn't know what I am and I believe it to be better that way, for her to remember me as just being human when I have to leave her life forever. Lost in thought I listen to the sounds coming from behind the bathroom door water in the sink and a thud on the floor somewhat alarming me. Not long after the shower starts running, that is a good sign.. I think. A sudden tang of sweet blood fills my nostrils making me rather alert smelling the adrenaline that begins to flow from her veins seems closer. The door to the bathroom suddenly opens and her clear soprano voice rings out "Take me to the association." She demands her voice only faltering on the last syllable. Yuuki's hand slips into mine and squeezes gently as if she knows what is going through my mind right now. Avila may not be strong enough to have the hunter's mark her body seems so small, even smaller now that her wet gown and hair cling to her body. Her startling eyes show bright against her pale skin one purple one blue. Dark shadows show under her eyes and in the shadows of her collar bones. I take the restraints that I had been gripping since earlier and fastened one around her wrist careful not to touch her skin with the anti-vampiric metal. Upon seeing her wrist I notice that both are covered in bandages and scars, making me wince as if her pain were my own. "Come on Avila, Let's go"

Avila's POV

The metal touching my skin as I attempt to slide into the car seems to send an electric charge through my veins paralyzing me for a moment before feminine hands gently slide me over next to the window. _Great…I get to suffer from my motion sickness and agonizing pain… _I think to myself as Yuuki settles in to my right and Kiryuu on the other side of her. His presence is obvious to me, what he is makes me sympathize with him as the blonde hunter starts the car and we begin to move. He must be suffering as I am. "My name is Kaien and this is Kaname" The blonde hunter established gesturing to the pureblood beside him. His words pull me out of my trance like state and I am forced to ask "Where will I be going after the association Kaien?" Yuuki seems to stiffen at this question her hand sliding around mine, her feminine fingers pressing tenderly against my slender piano player's hands. "She will be coming home with us won't she father?" asked Yuuki with hope in her voice. Kaien nodded leaving us in silence while Kaname reached over and turned on the radio which happened to be playing a piece that I knew rather well. Moonlight sonata rang out as my hands mimicked the motions I would be making if I were playing my baby grand at my old estate.

FLASHBACK

_"You may begin playing now Avila! Mommy is soo proud of you" Cecily praised as the young girl sitting on the piano bench continues to play the moonlight sonata. Her fingers flying over the keys as if the motions had been programmed into her body she swayed a little while her mother observed her playing. No matter how sad the tune sounded Avila had always imagined being locked in a passionate embrace with a prince whilst dancing a dance that no one knew. The sonata came to an end and Avila was drawn out of her trance as the strange people at the soiree began to applaud. She stood from her place on the piano bench and curtsied to the audience as her mother had taught her to and retreated to the 'safe room' as her mother called it. While her mother and father socialized she was left to her books and piano, with nothing but loneliness and a stuffed animal for company. The door to the safe room opened and a man she did not recognize stepped into the room. "I'm sorry darling; you are miss Avila aren't you?" The man questioned taking a step closer. "Y-yes" she stammered clutching the animal to her chest. "Well aren't you a beautiful creature, come closer so that I may get a good look at you dear" the man beamed as if she were the most beautiful creature he had ever seen. Being naïve she stepped close enough for the man to breathe in her scent before her mother could intervene. He scooped her up and held her close breathing as if he had run a marathon. "Sir? Are you alright? Should I call for mother?" Avila questioned worried about the man. A loud crunch sounded in the girl's ears before the man could answer, Cecily had broken his neck._

Back to reality

Waking up to the sight of a large building startles me as Yuuki's head rolls off of my shoulder causing her to waken. The car comes to a stop in front of the doors of the association and Kaien abruptly stands from the car and lets me out. I am glad because motion sickness quickly takes over causing me to retch losing all of the water and blood in my stomach to the dirt and gravel beneath my feet. Kiryuu comes to me and throw me over his shoulder carrying me through the doors of the association. The floor moving faster and faster as he quickly carries me to my destination. An empty cell, made up of only white walls and a thin rubber mattress this is where I will await for my mark.

Several hours later

The door swings open and two women walk in one with an anti-vampire sword ant the other with what looks to be a tattoo gun. They both approach me with caution looking as if they had never seen a creature like me before, like they were looking at an alien. "Strip off your clothes please." Said the girl holding the sword in a demanding tone. I obeyed removing the baggy t-shirt and shorts I had been given at the hospital revealing my flesh to the two strangers. The woman with the tattoo gun came toward me and laid me flat on my stomach making quick work of sterilizing my back. The needle began to work at my skin on my back, obviously anti-vampire as it burned with every stroke.. It didn't take long for me to start screaming in pain sweat and tears mixing on my face as the woman tattooed from the top of my left shoulder to the side of my right hip. My thirst began to choke me as the needle caused me to bleed, my world slowly fading into the black as the needle finished its last stroke.

Author note: DUN DUN DUNNNN Will she make it? CLIFF HANGER! Well anyway reviews please and thank you.

~misery


	5. Shocking Reveall

Hello again read and enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own Vampire Knight I only own Avila and Cecily

Zero's POV

Blood curdling screams echo through the empty corridor causing every hair on the back of my neck to stand on end as I retreat to the archives, hoping to learn more about Avila. Her screams fade quickly as I race away from her agony. Reaching the doors to the archives is almost a sweet release hearing the click of the wooden doors behind me as they shut. I am left to the scent of old paper and fresh leather as if all of the records had been recently bound. I walk over to the large round desk and ask the small female hunter where the last name of rose would fall; she pointed me to a shelf of books at the opposite end of the library. I begin to look for her family's records but I find it with no problem as it seems to stand out being the only black leather binding with red lettering. The black book binding meant that her family name belonged to pureblood lineage. I removed the book from the shelf above my head and sprinted to a private study where I threw myself into a chair and opened the book to the first page, her family tree. Tracing her lineage from the top to Cecily Rose I did not find any human ancestors nor did I see a husband attached to Cecily's life line. The association's record keepers had already recorded her death date and cause of death below her name. But below Cecily's name there was only one name, the name of a boy who died as an infant at his mother's own hand. The hair on the back of my neck stood as I took a moment to understand the information I had just learned. According to this record, Avila did not exist and neither did the father whose ashes had been found at the tragic scene. Flipping to the back of the book where the last record had been written I began to read.

_March 11__th__,_

_We found three bodies at the scene, that of the starving pureblood Cecily and her small infant as well as an unidentifiable ash. The room in which they were discovered was strewn with a large amount of blood so much of it mixed that we could not determine if more people/vampires had been involved in the savagery. Cecily Rose ended her life not even thirty minutes after she was found ranting about a girl who was not found. Cecily seemed to have given into the insanity of having lived too long her life span being exactly three-hundred and forty-three years. _

_Council recorder _

_-Hewitt_

Reading this made Zero curious as to why a pureblood who could bear children would want a human child. His hatred burning through the wall of numbness caused him to in a rage throw the book at the study wall hard enough to shatter the marble. Striding out of the study with his bloody rose in hand he went to hunt the very creature e despised, hoping to relieve his aching heart for a short while.

Avila's POV

Dreams are what should occur when you sleep, but when I sleep I drift into a dark void that I fear that I will never return from. The darkness that surrounds me is never welcome, no matter how exhausted my body is. In the darkness is where my life ended, and sometimes I wonder if that is where I remain. Even as my body jolts awake my mind questions whether this is my own personal hell, and if so what I did to get here. I find myself alone in the small cell lying on my stomach with a glass of red liquid by my bed side. I gratefully grab the glass and gulp down its contents which soothe my burning throat only slightly. Standing from the bed I find myself clothed in a thin night gown with an open back so as not to touch my sore skin. Striding closer to the door I notice that my body already feels stronger than it had before when I was on my own. "Hello?" I called out hoping to gain someone's attention out in the corridor. The empty silence that responded answered my unspoken question. I touched the wood on the door lightly hoping that it would not paralyze me. Much to my surprise the door was unguarded and unlocked. Where I was supposed to go is the most asked question, another question is where everyone went.

Wandering through the corridor I found myself lost after turning several times I find myself in the center of a large room where the walls are lined with chains and what seem to be torture devices. Across from me a woman sits slumped in a chair her hands tied to its arms she seems as if she isn't breathing. Approaching with caution I can smell that she is human. Her clothes are ripped and she has fang marks on her neck in several places, in a vampire hunter's association you would think that this would not be. That a room like this would not exist and that a human woman would not be tied with anti-vampire gear. I go over to her and gingerly touch the anti-vampire metal the shock buzzing in y fingertips as I quickly unlatch the chains on her wrist. "Stop what you are doing now." A cold male voice demanded followed by the click of a readying gun pressed to the back of my head. _What have I walked into?!_

Sorry guys type more soon. Who do you think is behind her?

-misery


	6. Blood Lust

Sorry it's so late guys, finals and such. School's out for summer so I will be updating more often. Sorry again. Read and review! Oh and if you get a chance please throw my name around a bit. Well here we go. 1*2*3*&= ACTION

Disclaimer: I do not own Vampire Knight or any of its characters.

Avila's POV

The sound of the gun clicking behind my head sent me into defensive mode, my small body ducking low to the ground and sliding backwards quicker than the man could comprehend I quickly found the upper hand. His arms were soon found held behind his back in a decent lock, instinct telling me that it was necessary action. "Who are you" I demanded my voice sounding like a bell in the large space. "Toga, Yagari… I'm guessing that you are Avila..." He said in a very bored tone. "Why is there a human in here?" I asked unsure that I wanted the answer. He didn't respond he just grabbed my arm and pulled me from the room; his grip was like iron on my arm and made my muscles ache. I pulled at my arm hoping to escape but he dragged me over the door frame before slamming the double doors and locking them shut. He walked back down the corridor without another word or gesture towards me. I pad my way back down the corridor to my unlocked door and sit on the bed, wondering if the association had a music room. I sat there pondering this for a bit until I heard the latch on my door click, the door swung inward revealing the tall lanky man I had come to know as Zero. He seemed flustered and feverish as if he had been running for a long time. He had a gun in his grasp with the name Bloody Rose written in red on the side, it's presence made me shiver because it's presence was startling. His arm wielding the gun raised and aimed at me. "You are a monster, and no one will ever accept you" he whispered his eyes glazing over and flashing red. I came to a quick realization I am like him, I will die like him. Spreading my arms wide I was ready to accept cruel fate and let the bullet take me to death's warm embrace. No sooner did the gun get dropped to the floor as zero ran towards me pushing me to the wall and bruising my ribs, his hot breath making me freeze reminding me of how cold mother had been compared to how warm he was. His tongue flicked against the vein on my shoulder as my hands pressed against his chest my strength having been depleted by the tattoo I couldn't push him away. His fangs pressed into my skin and the pain was a welcome pleasure though light headedness settled in quickly. I felt his grip slip as he slumped against me his face settling in the crook of my neck. His tears were cold against my skin mixing with the hot stream of blood. My hand automatically went to the back of his head comforting him as I would a child. His muscles stiffened as he jumped away from me as I wiped the blood off of the corner of his mouth and took the small blanket from the bed to wipe my neck. "Why are you so calm? Shouldn't you be frightened?" Zero whimpered.

"I'm sorry but you were predictable. I wasn't expecting my mother to attack me but she did. I was hoping you would suck me dry, I would rather die than live like she did." I whispered, tears threatening while I tried to keep my voice clear. He stared at me as if I were a small animal fragile and new to this world. "Avila…" He muttered anger creeping into his voice. I walked over and grabbed his gun from the floor the shock vibrating in my fingertips as I handed it to him and pressed the barrel to my forehead pulling back the hammer. "I am no different from the monsters you hunt, I want to die Zero. Save me." I yelled the tears finally spilling down my face and my body shaking violently as the pain in my throat amplified. I began to choke on the air and his scent drove me mad, his feeding left me at level E making my sanity come to the brink of breaking. My thoughts are beginning to jumble as I back away from zero who is now panicking as if he hasn't seen a level E before.

"Pull the trigger" I screamed as the door burst open and Kaname rushed into the room throwing the gun away from zero causing Bloody Rose to fire into my leg. "He will do no such thing Avila." Kaname muttered taking me into his arms his scent making me sick. Kaname's scent seems so much like that of the darkness I sink into when I sleep, and that makes me fear for my life as I sink into the dark abyss that seems to harbor my soul.

Kaname's POV

Striding down the corridor of the association I can smell Avila's blood as if she were right in front of my face. I keep my confidence as I stride down the hall hoping that I won't find her dead being that she is a rare breed. She is something that I could have never imagined in my thousands of years. Throwing the door open as if I was panicked I find Avila having an attack of blood lust while a shocked Zero watches in horror from across the room his anti-vampire weapon aimed at my puppet. I stride over to him and toss the gun, and listen with shock as the gun goes off and strikes Avila in her upper thigh the bullet sticking in the flesh. Lifting her from the ground I quickly exit the room running at a sprint toward the infirmary as she loses consciousness. Thinking quickly I slice my wrist and stick it in her mouth against her fangs she unwillingly swallows as her body finally relaxes, no longer on the brink of death she seems beautiful. But I know that what's inside her will surely break her and bring her to death's door once more.

Zero's POV

Sinking my fangs into her neck all I can think about is how much I care about this girl that I don't even know, and how much my thirst is driving me to insanity. Her blood tastes like home, calming and satisfying even as her fear runs through her veins and onto my tongue. Then what comes next to my mouth is the openness to death, how she could willingly accept death at my hands right at this very second. Her feelings match mine the pain and uneasiness though hers runs deeper. To her core, her soul even she felt love for the mother that hurt her. I pull away guilt overwhelming me at what I had done. I had soothed my own blood lust with a small girl who was already starving and injured. Knowing what I had done my guard dropped as I rested my head in the crook of her neck tears falling freely. Her hand rested against the back of my head comforting me and leaving me to wonder how her soul can be so kind.

**Okay guys you can be mad at me for not updating sooner.. I had finals and family issues. I'm very sorry please forgive me. I will try to update a lot more if I don't get a job.**

**~Misery**


	7. Guilt

**Hi guys! Thanks for staying with me. More reviews would be appreciated and I hope that you are enjoying my story! Sorry for disappearing for so long. I had trips to and from colleges since I have to consider where I want to go. **** Anyway here we are. I will try to write a really long chapter. **

**PS : I really appreciate those who are following my story. Have a waffle? (^~_~)# **

**Disclaimer: Misery: Zero you do it… Just like we rehearsed.**

**Zero: But I don't want to.. *glare***

**Misery: I won't make you do it ever again.**

**Zero: Misery doesn't own me or my sexy bod. Or any of the rest of us for that matter. Read and RevieW!**

Avila's POV

Bittersweet, this darkness seems to be…

_Hell is a place that I thought was only a dream, heat and flames… but in reality hell seems to be a cold desolate wasteland. Where all that you are reminded of, is that you weren't who you thought that you were. That the life that you lived was never meant for you, it was meant for a cold blooded demon who could take the life of another without hesitation. The life that was meant for a being that couldn't be broken with as much as a transformation for a being that wouldn't become lost in her blood lust. But the night that my life was taken from me, it was taken in darkness. And in that darkness is where I remain cold and broken. _

Light at the end of the tunnel is the last thing you want to see when you know that you are going to hell. To my surprise the light at the end of the tunnel I am in is yet another set of harsh fluorescent lights blinding me with small dots. My mouth is filled with a thick residue that makes my stomach convulse and tears spring to my eyes. Sitting up I find Kaname with sets of scalpels and needles by my bedside obviously prepping to do something that I cannot feel. Thinking back I remember being bitten by a mouth that was hot against my shoulder and holding a silver haired boy as he sobbed into my shoulder. My fingers gingerly graze where the wounds on y neck were only to find that all that was left of them were raised scars. Kaname turned without acknowledging that I had awoken and began to cut at the flesh on my upper thigh making me cry out in pain.

"You were shot by an anti-vampiric weapon please stay still while I remove the metal…." Kaname calmly muttered as if he were angry with me. I took that as my cue to lie down and try to comply with his request bunching the simple white sheets with my hands I watched as my blood quickly surrounded me with a red floral design starting where Kaname had sliced. "Kaname….Where will I go after this?" I whispered my throat thick with blood lust. "Home, to the academy that Kaien and I pretty much run… I think that you will be placed in the night class… Unless you have any protest Princess Rose..." Kaname's voice seemed sensual in a way almost too sweet; this is probably a mixture of blood lust, adrenaline, and blood loss. "Don't call me that… I am not anything like you or the aristocrats." I murmured my anger dulled along with all of my senses. "I want to be in day class… I want to be with zero..." I said, not knowing why or how that statement made its way past my lips. Kaname did the rest of his work in silence and when he finally finished my throat was burning as if I had swallowed the sun. Breathing heavily I reached for Kaname to pull myself up right and his large hand snatched my arm pulling me against him. He forced my face close to his neck and held it there while I resisted with all of my strength, which wasn't much. "Drink." Kaname commanded in a tone that would probably scare even a grown man into doing his bidding. But I would not cower I could not drink from another living being I would not drink at all if I could avoid it. Guilt would consume me and my soul would be lost forever into the abyss in which it stays.

Within the moment that it had taken to collect my thoughts Kaname had pressed my face to his throat where I could feel his blood pulsing beneath my lips the heat making me feel as if it could burn a hole in my lips. My control quickly waning I tried to pull away using all of my strength getting nowhere.

_It burns as if I have taken a drink of liquid fire, threatening to stop my heart as it is charred from the inside out. _

I cannot control myself any longer, my animal instinct is going to devour me and leave me bare of feeling… Breathing heavily I flick my tongue against his skin tasting the natural salt that resides there and finding where the vein bleeds strongest. Letting my fangs barely graze the skin I swallow the small amount of thick life that fills my mouth and I cannot contain my lust as my hand tangles in his hair and my fangs sink deeper into his skin taking in his tainted blood and memories.

_Flashback_

_ "Onee-sama what is happening? Where did otou-sama go?" A young girl with chocolate brown locks and red eyes whispered looking up at me. Tears brimmed her eyes and my heart clenches as I realize that my princess will have to leave me behind in her memories… Yuuki.. Please don't hate me if you don't remember me. Mother burst through the solid oak doors rushing toward Yuuki and I and dragging Yuuki away to another room. _**Good bye sister, one day you will awaken and become my princess again. **

_Back To Reality_

Yanked out of the memory I feel tears run down my face feeling my heart shrink realizing what I had just done. Slumping to the cold table I feel his locks fall from around my fingers and my wounds stitch their cells together one by one. "We will leave for the academy in an hour" Kaname said calmly wiping the left over mess of blood from his throat. Pointing to the bathroom at the other end of this room he told me to clean myself up and prepare myself to leave. Stepping off of the table left me to find that the muscles in my thigh were still mending themselves leaving me weak. I took careful steps toward the bathroom stumbling only once or twice the adrenaline and shock left me shaking. Tears streaming down my face I turn the shower on scalding hot letting the water burn the blood from my skin. I look to the wall of the shower to find that someone had left strawberry and lilac soaps I scrubbed away the filth that I could. Stepping out of the shower most of the shock had worn off and I finally stopped shaking. On the bathroom sink there were multiple outfits and items of makeup along with brushes and other hygienic products. A note was left along with the items was scrawled in a long delicate script which I guessed was Yuuki's.

_Avila, _

_I picked some clothes for you and some make-up… When you come home you and I will go into the city to get whatever you need. I also had Zero grab whatever he could find in the belongings from your house.. Hope you don't mind that I took the liberty of charging your IPod and sticking it in the front pocket of the make-up bag… I was kind of nosy and looked through your music.._

_Bye. Yuuki. _

I snagged an outfit of fishnet tights, a pair of shredded shorts, and a large baggy Falling in Reverse t-shirt. Finishing my outfit with combat boots and dark eyeliner I left the bathroom with my hair falling loosely around my body and a pair of headphones shoved in my ears. Kaname was no longer sitting where he had been but standing next to the door that I assumed leads to outside. Feeling how I am I wonder if taking up smoking would help. Though I doubt it.

Trying not to show fear I quickly strode toward the door with my spine straight and my steps confident, though even standing tall I only seem to reach Kaname's chest area. He opened the door beckoning me to follow and just looking at him made guilt overwhelm me, my guilt must have showed on my face because all he did was smirk and walk away. Tears threatened my eyes and silent composure causing me to turn up my IPod and shut out any emotion. Watching his feet I made my way out of the vampire hunters association and into what looked like a very expensive limo. Watching the scenery flow around me seemed to fit the song I was listening to. Leaning my head against the cold glass I fall asleep to only find myself under her disturbing gaze covered in dried blood.

**Starting the new chapter in like thirty minutes I am so sorry if I let you guys down with my updating I will do better. I would appreciate some reviews. (o_o)**


End file.
